Musings By Jan

Forever Superhuman

I just finished reading Breaking Dawn, the final book in the Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer. Took the day off, just to read that book. I was thinking whether it was worth it, the day off i mean, but, then, i was well rested and enjoyed reading the book, so i guess, the day off was worth it.

So anyway, the only reason I think I love the book so much is because of Edward Cullen. After I finished the book, my mind kept playing 2 songs by Chris Brown, Forever and Superhuman. Maybe because, they kept saying 'forever' in the book. But Superhuman I dedicate to Edward Cullen. AHAHAHAAHAHAH.

So, thats the end of another saga. I wonder what else I am going to obsess next. Harry Potter done, Twilight done. and I think I am done falling in love with fictional characters. hahaha. oh dear.

Weak
I have been crying and crying for weeks
How'd I survive when I can barely speak
Barely eat, On my knees

But that's the moment u came to me
I don't know what your love has done to me
Think I'm invincible
I see though the me I used to be

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human (I feel so superhuman X2)
Super human

Strong
Since I've been flying and righting the wrongs
Feels almost like I've had it all along
And I can see tomorrow

Where every problem is gone because
I flew everywhere with love inside of me
It's unbelievable to see how love can set me free

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human (I feel so superhuman X2)
Super human

It's not a bird, not a plane
It's my heart and it's going, gone away
My only weakness is you
Only reason is you
Every minute with you
I can feel like I can do anything
Going going, I'm gone away in love

You changed my whole life
Don't know what your doing to me with your love
I'm feeling all super human, you did that to me
A super human heart beats in me
Nothing can stop me here with you
Super human

~ Superhuman - Chris Brown feat Keri Wilson (Exclusive)

Gravity

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do,
I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
and all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall,
just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe though I
Can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah
You're onto me, onto me and all over

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long...

~ Sara Bareilles "Gravity"

Where Did My Baby Go?

It has been 4 days. I still can’t get over it. I am still scared to sleep in my own room. I don’t think I will be sleeping in it alone any time soon. My room is the only place where I can be on my own, ya know? It used to be my haven. Now? It’s the place that I can’t wait to rush out from. I have been rearranging the furniture inside my room and it did make me feel better but still, there is this fear, ya know?

I hope this soon passes.

Anyway, I really really miss my phone. It was the only phone I bought on my own, at my own will, and it has everything that I want. I miss my baby. *sob*sob*

http://janmusings.blogs.friendster.com/musings_by_jan/2006/12/i_think_i_am_in.html

Where did my baby go?
I wonder where she ran off to
I miss my baby so
I'm calling but I can't get through
Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go?
I wish that she would get back soon (get back soon)

I'm searching for the lover I knew
Have you seen her?
Where did she go?
Feels like I've just lost my only friend
Flames subsided, colors faded
Love just got so complicated
Wish that I could see her smile again
So if you see her out there, tell her I'm still here
Waiting for the day when she will reappear

Where did my baby go?
I wonder where she ran off to
I miss my baby so
I'm calling but I can't get through
Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go?
I wish that she would get back soon (get back soon)

Maybe I was wrong and I
Ignored her for too long and I
Didn't even notice when she slipped away
Maybe while I lay fast asleep then
Out into the night she creeps
I'll leave the light on, so she'll come back someday
So if you see her out there, tell her it's not fair
That life's just not the same when she's not here

Where did my baby go?
I wonder where she ran off to
I miss my baby so
Just what am I supposed to do?
Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go?
I wish that she would get back soon (get back soon)

~ Where Did My Baby Go - John Legend

.: Little Things :.

Sometimes we walked over the same road over and over again without realizing we’ve been there before. We know we shouldn’t easily get caught up in it, but our hearts failed us. We can’t stop feeling the way we feel.

The little things, you do to me are
Taking me over, I wanna show ya
Everything inside of me
Like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
My feet are stuck here, against the pavement
I wanna break free, I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes, get your attention
Before you pass me by

So back up back up take another chance
Don't you mess up mess up I don't wanna lose you
Wake up wake up this aint just a thing that you
Give up give up don't you say that I'd be
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin
If im better off better off, with out you boy

So don't just leave me hanging on

And every time, you notice me by
holdin me closely, and sayin sweet things
I don't believe, that it could be
you speakin your mind and, sayin the real thing
my feet have broke free, and I am leavin
I'm not gonna stand here, feelin lonely but
I wont forget you, and I won't think this
was just a waste of time

So back up back up take another chance
Don't you mess up mess up I don't wanna lose you
Wake up wake up this aint just a thing that you
Give up give up don't you say that I'd be
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin
If im better off better off, with out you boy

But don't just leave me hangin on............

~ "The Little Things - Colbie Caillat"

Twilight The Movie

You know how much I love the Twilight Saga. You know, the vampire teen love story by Stephenie Meyer.

Now I've got some info about the upcoming movie. They said that the movie will be released in December 2008. Can't wait? Of course I can't.

The producers have released the complete cast for the Cullens (the good vampires), Bella Swan (the human) and Victoria the red haired baddie (bad vampire) haha. I seriously doesnt really care about the others, I am only concern about who to play Edward. At first I kinda accepted it, but after seeing the pics.. I am not too sure. Edward is supposedly to be "beautiful". I am not seeing them in this guy they chose. Oh well,. what can I do, i am not the movie maker. However, there must be a reason why they chose him, they are the expert anyway. FYI, the actor to play Edward Cullen is Robert Pattinson, you may remember him as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. And oh yeah, the girl who will be playing Bella is Kirsten Stewart (panic room, and recently in jumper david's mom's daughter at the end). The only one they haven't announced is the actor to play Jacob Black. Can't wait!!

For more info visit http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/twilight_movie.html

http://www.summit-ent.com/ - go to preproduction section

Anyway, here are the Cullens : from left - Emmet, Rosalie, Esme (the mom), Edward, Carlisle (the dad), Alice and Jasper

Never Gone

Some of you might have known that I suffered a condition called "Backstreetitis" this past week. For those who didn't know, it is a condition where one is too overexcited by this boy band called Backstreet Boys and suffering from the overexcitement before seeing them alive and suffering the after effect of that particular excitement.

I can't believe I saw BSB live. Seriously. IT WAS EFFIN' AWESOME!!!! I haven't been to many concerts, but I've been to those I love - 98 Degrees and Boyz II Men. All concerts were great, but this one is def the best. I know I’ve said Boyz II men was the best, of course it’s boyz II men hehehe. I think part of the reason is because we were in the crowd. Usually I took the seat, (cheaper tix) lol. When you were seated, not much excitement going on really. Usually we stood and moved with the beat but from my experience with the BSB one, the feel is different. I know it is tiring because of standing, craning your neck to see the boys (i had muscle sore all over my body, stiff neck until today), but I love the feeling, being the crowd who are as crazy as you are (more crazy even), like you are like follow the crowd, jumping about and screaming etc.

Anyway, the boys were amazing. I miss Kevin tho. But for the others, they were great. They gave their all in the performance. You know there were times when you went shows like this, you always wanted more? At the end of the show, I was really satisfied and glad the show is over. I mean, what else can we ask for when they have delivered everything? The best moments for me was when they sang “I’ll never break your heart”, “Everybody”,  the encore “Shape of My Heart” and of course, my fave BSB song “Incomplete”. When the music for I’ll never break your heart started, you can see the crowd’s delight. As for me, the song is very nostalgic. It reminds me of college days, reminding me of my younger days. The first time I heard that song, it makes me wanna cry because I really want someday someone will say that to me, ya know? And the pathetic thing is, I still have that feeling. Hahahaha. Anyway, the crowd of course sang it louder than the boys. But, I have to mention, if the crowd was crazy during the other songs, we reached scorching hot during “Everybody”. Let me tell you, words cant really described it. IT WAS INSANE! The crowd automatically became this wild, crazy one, we danced and jumped with the beat of the music. At that moment, I can’t really hear anything cuz the crowd was so loud, I cant even hear my own voice. I am not sure I have voice at that time.

Apart from great performance from the boys, I think the best part of it is sharing with people who love them too and to be able to experience this with them is definitely priceless. As such, I am glad I shared this experience with my best friend D and her sis. Before I went to the concert, I received a lot of comments from people, saying things like “you are going to see BSB? They are old!” or “aren’t you too old for this?” or “u r so juvenile, jan” or “BSB? Weii dorang tu dah lapuk la”. WTH? Nak buat camner, when I was a teenager, dorang takde pulak nak dtg kan? and why not enjoy the things that we enjoyed before? I still enjoy their songs. I am not ashamed that I love them and never will be. And too bad for you, you missed one hell of a great show.

I had a really great time, and that is what matters ;P

 

Feeling The Moment

I am not sure why, but I think I was incapable of putting my emotions and feelings down in writing for these past few weeks. To be exact, I don't feel like sharing my feelings. Writing in my blog has always been my solace whenever I feel something. Today, I visited my musings (havent been visiting for awhile) and basically read all through haha. I frowned when I read my emotional rants (kinda embarrassed too ;P), and grinned reading my wacky thoughts. I miss myself. haha.

So, what's new? For work, I finally moved from my old co. To say I was relieved when I tendered my resignation is an understatement. The day I resigned, I felt like I was walking on air all the time. I was elated. Seriously, eventho I didnt get the second half of year end bonus, I was happy just to get out. Friends commented that I look happier, and sounded happier (online eventho I am not saying anything haha). I guess, finding new job has bogged me down from other things and made me miserable. My friends there were the only thing that kept me sane. 

Work at new co is so far, good. It is not exactly a new company, it is actually the first company I joined after chambering. I was there for 2 years until circumstances made me move. My old boss called me and told me there is a vacancy for me, and I jumped to the opportunity. Now I am here, I felt like I never left. Thanks Pootz, for making this real. I am forever grateful to you. Work is interesting, sometimes tough and I know it can be stressful, but at least I am doing something that I like. 

Now, with no pressure of going to interviews, or worrying about getting a new job, I think I can start worrying about other things. lol. I am opening my heart (and even before I started I got wounded already...ouch! hahahah) and I began reading again (eventhough at the moment I am limited in cheesy romance phase - dont blame me, it IS the LOVE month). But most of all, I am hoping for good things. I've been miserable for the longest time, and this year I want to just be able to "chill out" and just enjoy the moment.

Wish me the best, friends.

My Wish

Since the new year is just around the corner, I am thinking of things that I want to do for the next year and the coming years. 2007 has been a great adventure but also a trial and challenging year.

First of all my mama had stroke in the month of Ramadhan. It was a really trial time for me & my family. We are adjusting right now, my mama is fine its just that she is not like what she used to be physically. She gets tired easily. All this while, she is the one who handles everything. When I mean everything, it means EVERYTHING. I just dont have to worry about anything. One thing that I miss most is her cooking. I am used of coming home after work or anywhere else and have delicious food ready for me. I can cook, I cook all the time. Anyway, somehow, no matter how tasty the food are, I crave for my mama's cooking. Pray that my mama would be better ok?

The other thing is that, work has been challenging. I am not going to go into that because I have something exciting to look forward to. I am going to work in a new place starting a week after the new year. Let's hope for the best.

I am really looking forward to the new year. I wish for good things next year. I already have good news coming next year.. I'll be an aunt for 4 babies.. lol.. 2 from my own family (2 my sisters in law, Kak tine and Kak Liza both pregnant with their 3rd child) and 2 of my best friends are also expecting. Plus, one of my best friends is getting married in the first week of new year. Good things are happening already. I wish good things will happen to me too.

Anyway, I wish to do at least these things next year (if not, the coming years lor LOL):

1. Travel somewhere outside Malaysia

2. Go to a rock concert (coldplay pleaseeeeee come here please!)

3. Enroll into a dance class.. lol

4. Go to a Harry Potter movie premiere, there are only 2 more.. lol (wishful thinking ahahaha)

Anyway, have a great year ahead friends and hope we'll change for the good things.

I wanna live life and never be cruel
I wanna live life and be good to you

And I wanna fly and never come down
And live my life and have friends around

We never change, do we? no, no
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house

I wanna live life and always be true
I wanna live life and be good to you

And I wanna fly and never come down
And live my life and have friends around

We never change, do we? No, no
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house
where making more friends would be easy

Oh, and I don´t have a soul to save
Yes, and I sin every single day

We never change, do we?
We never learn, do we?

So I wanna live in a wooden house
Where making more friends would be easy
I wanna live where the sun comes out ...

~ "We Never Change" Coldplay, Parachutes

*smitten*

OMG!! i loveeeeeeeeeee this song called "Standing in the rain". It makes me feel like i wanna be in love. hahah oh well, i dont know how that feels like.. but listening to this song makes me have goosebumps and butterflies in the stomach. Weird. LOL

So anyway, this is a song by a band called Jamie Scott & The Town. The singer, Jamie Scott is a hottie. LOL. ok. he looked a lot like my baby Jamie Oliver and Duncan from Blue. They could be brothers. lol. So anyway, i love this song, and most of the songs in the album, he has this raspy voice, sounded a bit like Adam Levine of Maroon 5. I love his voice, its sooo unique. His sound is mostly acoustic, guitary, bluesy sound. haha

If you have seen Step Up the movie (yeah with the hottie Channing Tatum), Jamie Scott played a role called Collin, the heroine's best friend's boyfriend. He played in a band during one of the party scene. So that's where I recognise Jamie's face when I saw him on mtv few weeks ago.

So anyway, check this song out. This is the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmAVaDKthLs

look at him....;-P pretty huh

"Standing in the Rain" by Jamie Scott and The Town

- from the album Park Bench Theories

While you're talking to me
With blood on your hands
You're tired of being a stranger
Tied up in his plans
You'll cry forever and all you want to know is how you ever got here
Why ain't the loving you

Hope you just don't stop praying when the water does fall
'Cause standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry
People say your love pure one of a kind
But standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry

People say no

We all fall sometimes
Get out wide open
Thought you'd learn by now

So why you want to do this
Why you want to fall
Why you keep pretending
To make sense of it all

I hope you just don't stop praying when the water does fall
'Cause standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry
So stand up feel the light
Don't you want to see all that you've got inside
Your love pure one of a kind
But standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry

So take the chains off your world
'Cause they ain't gonna do you well
Take the lock from your heart
Open it 'cause it ain't hard
It ain't hard

Oh woman just don't stop praying when the water does fall
'Cause standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry
So stand up feel the light
Don't you want to see all that you've got inside
Your love pure one of a kind
Standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry
Said your love is one a kind
Standing in the rain ain't gonna leave you dry

Finish Line

Have you ever felt like you wanted something so bad, but you know somehow deep in your heart that you can't have it? Or that you want something that you don't even know whether it is the real thing or the truth. You think too much about what you want and then you tend to expect too much even though you know that you shouldn't. Then at the end of the day, you have to console your own heart, when that thing you really want so bad turned out to be different than what you had in mind or disappoint you. And you finally think that you are too tired to go through this anymore. Why bother? Hmmmm...

The earth is warm next to my ear
Insect noise is all that I hear
A magic trick makes the world disappear
The skies are dark, they're dark but they're clear

A distant motorcade and suddenly there's joy
The snow and ticker tape blurs all my senses numb
It's like the finish line where everything just ends
The crack of radios seems close enough to touch

Cold water, cleaning my wounds
A sad parade, with a single balloon
I'm done with this, I'm counting to ten
Bluest seas, running to them

I feel like I am watching everything from space
And in a minute I'll hear my name and I'll wake
I think the finish line's a good place we could start
Take a deep breath, take in all that you could want

~ "Finish Line" - Snow Patrol

I'd Wait For Life

smitten. *sigh*

There's a place we used to be
There's a face that I used to see
There's a picture with you by my side
There's a moment that I want to find.

I don't know where to start
Or how to begin
But I kow I love you still.

If you ever turn away
If you ever change your mind
If the road ahead becomes too hard to climb
If there's something in your heart that tells you to stop
Oh to hold you close tonight
I'd wait for life.

There's a voice shouting inside my head
There's a space on your side of the bed
There's a hope everytime there's a sound
There's a silence that's playing too loud

I don't know how you are
Or how you may be
But I know I love you still.

If I close my eyes
I'll dream a little deeper baby
'Cause you are always on my mind
Yeah you are always on my mind
For life.

~ "I'd Wait For Life" - Take That, Beautiful World 2007

Pasta Aglio E Olio

Friends have asked me for this recipe. It's very simple and easy. I was kinda shy to post the recipe, but since you guys asked for it, here it is. If I am not mistaken, "aglio e olio" is a common italian dressing which means "garlic and oil". So basically that is what the recipe is about. Just simple garlic and oil recipe with some additional items based on your tastebuds.

Ingredients:

1. Generous glugs of olive oil - as long as it is enough to cover the amount of pasta. I think it would be around 3/4 or 1 cup for a packet of pasta. Adjust the amount as you wish ok?

2. A packet of dry pasta of your choice (cook according to the packet's instruction) - i would recommend spaghetti, linguini as the oil will the cover the pasta pretty nicely, as they are thin.

3. 1/4 - 1/2 cup of chopped garlic (depends on how much you like the garlic)

4. 1/4-1/2 cup of chopped fresh chillies (depends on your taste as well)

5. Freshly ground black pepper - about 2 teaspoon (up to you really)

6. Salt to taste

7. Meat of your choice (optional) - i love to use seafood : squid, prawn, white flesh fish meat. chicken breast tasted nice as well, sliced nicely

8. Veggies of your choice (optional) - baby asparagus, brocolli tastes great with this (blanch in boiling water first), capsicums (sliced thinly)

9. Parsley & parmesan cheese - as garnishing

How to:

Heat oil in the pan. Sautee the garlic, chillies. Then put in the meat (chicken cooks longer, so put chicken in chicken first. However, i like to cook chicken first with little oil salt & pepper, then take out and put them in later when you throw in the pasta). Add the pepper, and salt to taste.

Put in the pasta, veggies and the garnishing toss them around until the oil coated the pasta thoroughly. Put in the veggies and some parsley toss around. Put them in serving dish, sprinkle the balance parsley and put the parmesan, if you like.

happy trying, and bon appetit.

p/s: a friend of mine asked me whether, instead of using pasta,we use other type of noodles. I never tried it before, but i think you can use the egg noddles, yellow noodle, probably also bee hoon and those kuey teow that you have to soak them first, like in thai dishes. Hmm i think it would be ok cuz they have this chewy texture.

A Lot of Firsts

It's been awhile since the last time I wrote in here. Lots of things happened of course.. last month was a pretty adventurous month. LOL.

I had one of the most terrifying experience in my life. Compared to others, mine doesnt put the meaning of terrifying to justice but it was terrifying to me ok! My car broke down in the middle lane of federal highway, just after Amcorp Mall turn off. It just stopped and refused to start. It stopped dead! It was nearly about 7 pm, kinda dark, it was raining and the traffic was stand still. It chose the most convenient moment to stop dead! When it stopped, I cant even operate anything, including the hazard light and the central locking. I immediately called my brothers, but of course, they are not superman and cant come to me immediately. So they just told me to stay there. I was so shakened up that I ended up crying the whole time until they came. HAHAAH so ok, i am weak. I just have no idea what to do!!! i wanted to move the car, but I cant do it alone. I was there about 10-15 minutes without anybody offering any help. They just honked me and move on with "pissed off" look on their faces. so much of friendly and helpful malaysian huh.  I was so afraid that the cars behind will ram into me since i have no hazard light no light nothing and its already kinda dark. I decided to get out of the car (even that was scary ok!), and put the boot of the car up or at least ask for someone for help. I just got out of the car when a chinese man came out too and told me to move the car. I told him, how am I supposed to that alone? So he walked around and asked the people around to help me move my car. So they came and I went in the car to manoeuvre it to the side. I didn't have the chance to say thanks to those men. Whoever you are, I am forever grateful. Thank you for your help.

By this time, it was already dark and I didnt know what I am supposed to do but just wait. i waited in the car and cry. Hahahaha. What else can i do? My brothers kept calling saying they are on their way. It was very scary to sit in the car in the dark ya know. Eventhough i was on the emergency lane, still cars coming up behind and honked. One car even hit the right side mirror. I cried even more. HAHAH. Then my bros came and all was well. It was a battery problem so ya know they jumped the car or whatever they call what they were doing. I was afraid to drive my own car after that, so Dik drove my car home. LOL. I know it was nothing to some of you, but I think I was in shock. My body ached and shivered, I dont know why. I took the next day off.  hahaha. I take this chance to express my gratitude to my brothers - Lala, Pipiq and Dik for their rescue. I am forever thankful to Allah that I have brothers I can always rely on to.

so thats one bad thing that happened last month. Other than that, I really had fun, I went to my first ever tennis match, between the HOT HOT HOT Rafael Nadal and Richard GasquetI It was great, hahah i spent most of my time zooming in to watch Nadal using my camera. HAHAAH so what! Then I won my first ever concert tickets thanks to hitz.fm cruiser. It was the first time I ever won anything!! HAHAAH! It was for the Live & Loud concert - R&B, the big act was KCi & Jojo. It was also the first concert I attended with my best friend D, so it was memorable. It was also the first concert that I had the chance to be in front of the stage, even though for just a few minutes. The concert was ok. The best for me was this one Philipino singer called Mark Douglas if I am not mistaken. He wasss wonderful! Maybe I have a soft spot for him cuz he sang one of my fave songs, Let's Get Together by Al Green. His voice *sigh*. ahahah.. Then Taufik Batisah was pretty good, I was impressed. He sang quite a good rendition of "Me & Mrs Jones". me like!

I guess thats all. haha.. Cant wait for this coming weekend. I am organising my first ever Bachelorrette Party for a friend of mine and it is also our first ever slumber party. A lot of firsts in this past few weeks huh. There are actually 2 other firsts but hmm next timelah citer. haha.

So anyway, have a nice week people!

 

In Memory of Megatron & Cookie Dot

We were just getting to know each other. I don't even got the chance to play with them yet! Been  bz, been sick. And now they are dead!!! :~(

They were gifts from me and dik for Imran and Adam. Imran's was the white with black circle around the eyes.. Adam's was grey with white circle around the body. Imran's was named "Cookie Dot" (shebunny) hehehe suggested by yours truly.  Adam's (hebunny) was called several names until he chose one.. Megatron - nama manja "Mega". Before Megatron - Sandy and Spongebob. Then he was satisfied with Megatron.

Mega died on Wednesday. Adam wanted to take him out and play with him but he told Kak Tine, "Mama, dia tido la". Wuaaaa sadddddd... Then, they found out that he was dead. Ucu found Cookie Dot dead this morning. Don't know when she died. Imran have no idea that she is dead yet, but I think he'll found out about this time.

We don't have any clue whats wrong with them. We only had them for a few days. Today is one week. I guess they are too little. huhuhu

Both were buried on the little hill in front of our house.

May they rest in peace in bunny heaven. huhuhuhhuhuh

Forgive and Forget

In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You’re going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover... there’s really only one thing you can say.

Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.

~ Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy S04E04 "In the Heart of the Matter"

I agree with Grey. There's no other choice for us, once we got hurt. What else can we do? Kill the person? No matter how hard it is, how much your heart bleeds, in the end, you just try to forget about it. It will take few weeks, it might take your whole life. Eventually, I think, your whole being will just accept things that happened. It won't be easy and it will take time. But in the end, hopefully we will forgive and forget. Right now, I'm tired and I wish I could just fly away.

Salam Aidilfitri

It's not too late for me to wish everyone "Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin". Sorry for all the wrong doings, wrong things said etc.

I think I had one of the best and longest raya holiday. Usually raya for us is just a quiet affair. We don't have a large extended family and we don't have a kampung, not much relatives to visit to. Anyway, this year all of us went to Kota Bharu, Kelantan for my cousin's wedding. We went there on third day of raya. One of the reason why we went to Kelantan was that so my mama can go to this Chinese urut mek, who was recommended  by my mama's friend, whom also recently had stroke. Anyway, it was my first time hearing a chinese speaking kelantanese. I LOVE to hear her talk!! hahaha i mean, i was so amused that i wasnt really bored waiting for nearly 2 hours everytime until my mom urut session finished.

So anyway, in short it was a fun and very productive trip. We helped preparing for the wedding etc. We also had the chance to get to know our cousins' family better. We don't really have the chance to get to know each other before since everybody were busy, so it was the perfect opportunity to get to know them as everyone get together. But it wasnt the same without my brother rafiq and cousin jemi both whom away for work.

However, now I am glad that I am not the only girl in the house. LOL. I used to hate going back to Kelantan because I dont have "geng" when we were younger, so I am stuck with the oldies in the kitchen doing women things.. with my aunts, my mom, but now i have my sisters in law, my cousin-in-law.. eheheh so it was kinda fun.

I hope you guys had a wonderful time during your raya celebration too. And I dont think I can set my mind back to reality, work on MONDAY! ugh!!!! oh God please help me ;-P

XOXO

Ella ella eh eh eh

I am not calling for Ella, Ratu Rock Malaysia. Hahaahahha. Anyway, ok, let me tell you something. I used to hate this song. I know it is a HUGE song and everybody seems like so into it. For me, it's soo annoying. Everytime I hear the song on the radio, I get irritated. Well, Rihanna's version I mean. Although I think the remix version with Chris Brown is kinda cute (I am looking the one with the glass slipper, you can be my cinderella, ella ella eh eh). hahaah. However, one thing that I like about the song is the sweet lyrics. If you listen carefully, the lyrics basically about being your loved ones's shelter or something like it.

Anyway, one day i heard on radio this lovely acoustic version of the song and i instantly fell in love with it. It was by this one girl named Marie Digby (pronounced as Ma-ri-ey), she did this cover version on youtube and BAM! now it's like a phenomenon. I can't get this song out of my head. It's like constantly on replay in my head. I wanna be like her. Hahah I wish if I can sing, i can sing like her. I love her version of one of my fave song ever, Corinne Bailey Rae's Like A Star. She sang it in her bathroom! You can search youtube for marie digby and she has her page there. Very cute and has this raw, lovely voice. She's half irish and half Japanese. Check her out.

Anyway back to the song, Mandy Moore also sang an acoustic version during her Yahoo Live performance too. Me likey!! Mandy's version is more mellow and soft and sweet.

So i dedicate this song to all of my friends, you can stand under my umbrella.. ella ella ella eh eh eh ;-P

You had my heart, and we'll never be a world apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
But baby 'cause in the dark you will see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share because

When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'm gonna stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)

The fancy things they're never coming in between
You're apart of my entity
Here for infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard

Together we'll mend your heart because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'm gonna stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my

You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed
Come into me
So gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'm gonna stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my

It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me(ella ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh eh eh-eh)

Something To Talk About

We should never, never judge people before we get to know them well. We should never assume things until we ask and then heard from the relevant person. Don’t miss a chance. If you think you want something, just try and take your chance. Don’t step back before you haven’t even take a step forward. If you don’t get what you want, it’s not the end of the world. You get up and move on. Don’t take things for granted. Don’t pour your heart out when it’s too late. Life is not fair but we should treat it the best possible way we could. Make it perfect for our own life. Life is like a box of chocolate, Forrest Gump’s mama used to say, you’ll never know what you gonna get.

Got Hit

Hey mum! Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two?
Did you just let me go out, into the world?
You never thought to share what you knew.

So I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train.
Keep falling in love, which is kinda the same.
I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane.
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again.

Hey mum! Why didn't you warn me?
Cause I found boys were something I should have known.
They're like chocolate cake, like cigarettes.
I know they're bad for me, but I just can't leave them alone.

And I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train.
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again.
I wanna do it again, I wanna do it again, hey hey!
Ohh, think I'm so good? Hey!

Hey mum! Since we're talking, what was it like when you were young?
Has the world changed, or is it still the same?
A man can kill, and still be the sweetest fun!

~ “Buses and Trains” Bachelor Girl

Anyone remember this song? I haven't heard this song in ages, and when I heard my friend's mp3 playing on her computer, I was delighted as I used to love this song so much. I LOVE the quirkiness of the lyrics. How she compared falling in love similar to walking under a bus or got hit by a train, which is obviously would be deadly. hahaha

And ya know what, I agree with her. No matter how hurtful it might get, being in love or in my case more to "the idea of being in love" is addictive… and somehow, sometimes, it really made us feel good about ourselves. Apart from those butterflies in the stomach, aching heart, sweaty palms, stupid blurbs and unnecessary emotional rollercoaster we tend to have whenever this thing crept into our hearts.

I know it sounded weird, but it's better to have something to look forward to, than having nothing to feel. Even though you might not get what you want, and then cry for days and hate them. However, at least there would be some drama in your life. ha ha har di har har. In my case, it has always been the series of crushes I have. I like being "crushed" on someone. Even though the person might not now I existed. But there are feelings involved. Ya know what I mean? It's like an adrenalin rush in your body, where you are conscious of every fibre in your body.

There are times when I lost appetite to eat or do things I love because I put myself in this "mode". I got melancholic, miserable and torture myself emotionally. Sometimes to the point of being a human pipe, crying all time whenever I am alone or when hearing a certain song, because the person just not into me or just because that I am angry at myself for putting myself in this situation. I can avoid it, but no… I have to dwell on it and thinking about it and making my own assumptions when the other person, doesn’t even have a single clue. Seksa diri sendiri more like it. But I did it everytime. I should have known better, but I let it happen over and over again. haha why do we do this to ourselves? This is when people say. "takde keje, carik keje". hahahah

Oh well.. anyway, that’s how the song made me feel. LOL. But don't you agree that it does feel good sometimes. Just to feel something.

A Change Is Gonna Come

This is the title for the first episode of Grey's Anatomy fourth season. I know I've been waiting for Prison Break and Heroes but not as much anticipation as I had for Grey's Anatomy. Don't get me wrong, love Prison Break and Heroes but I have a soft spot for Grey's Anatomy because it always relates to the matters of the heart. And it has lots and lots of emotions.

After months and months waiting, the new episode started about 17 days after the end of the last season. Lots of new faces since our fave interns has became residents, (they looked so grown up btw and oh yeah, Karev is hotter than ever, he has this sexy goatee now) so they have their own interns now. That is interesting to watch. The new episode didnt disappoint, it just has the right amount of drama, the right amount of tension, the right amount of emotions, the right amount of humour. Even though it was only one episode, it already tugged a few heartstrings. The "I love you" at the end, eeeeekkk.. can't wait for the upcoming episodes!!

As usual, Grey's style, Meredith always has something to say...

"Change; we don’t like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn’t is lying. But heres the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes, change is ... everything."