Musings By Jan

Hopeless Romantic

Do you know the feelings when you feel your heart beats slightly faster than usual? Like, all the time. Your stomach feel queasy, your emotions hay wire. You feel restless. You keep thinking about it no matter how hard you try to distract yourself. You cry out of nothing, you are not sad, but you just feel like crying. Longing for comfort.You feel like you just don't want to think about it too much and just shout out what you feel. You know you can't because it's just your feelings playing tricks with you. You are not even sure if that is what you really feel. You can't just shout it out because it's impossible. You have the facts that you know that it's just not right for you. Still, you put your head in the clouds. Block all your reasonings. Because you are a hopeless romantic.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings ~

Geek!

Found this from a friend's blog. Heheheeh

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you (SOOOO TRUE!).

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Somebody's Me

I haven't heard a song this romantic and sweet in a while. Who is a better ballad crooner than the ever sexy Enrique? *sigh* check out the vid, he's so hot! hahahah

You, do you remember me?,
Like, I remember you?
Do you spend your life,
going back in your mind to that time?,

Cause I, I walk the streets alone,
I hate being on my own, and everyone can see that,
I really fell, and I'm going through hell.
Thinking about you with somebody else.

Somebody wants you,Somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely.
Somebody hopes that one day you will see,
that somebody's me.
That somebody's me

How, how did we go wrong?
It was so good, and now its gone,
And i pray at night, that our path's soon will cross.
What we had, isn't lost.
Cause you are always right here in my thoughts..

Somebody's wants you, somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely.
Somebody hopes that one day you will see,
That somebody's me
That somebody's me

You will always be in my life, even if im not in your life.
Cause you're in my memory...
You, will you remember me?...
And before you set me free, oh listen please...

Somebody wants you, somebody needs you.
Somebody dreams about you every single night.
Somebody cant breathe, without you its lonely.
Somebody hopes that one day you will see, that somebody's me.
That somebody's me
Somebody's me...
Somebody's me...
Oh yeah...

~ Somebody's Me - Enrique Iglesias, Imsoniac

Yes Enrique, that somebody is me!! hahahhaha

Thanks Syaz!

Confession of A Pothead

Hi. I am Jan. I am going to be 30 years old this coming December. I have a condition called Potheadititis. I don't know know if that is the real term but I think it is appropriate with the condition I am having. There's no real doctor who can diagnose me here. Maybe Madam Pomfrey can help. The problem is she is too far away. I need to get a Thestral or a dragon to go there. Or a flying carriage or a sunken ship. Maybe a  firebolt. But then, maybe if someone could charm a portkey, it would be easier.

I thought I can move on. My thoughts fell short just a day after I posted the earlier post. I am on relapse. I tried reading other books, I have about 4 partly/unread books on my chestdrawer beside the bed but whenever I read them, I get bored easily and I picked up a HP book. I tried watching other DVDs, but then, I get bored too and put in the HP DVD. I tried changing my sms alert tone to others, but I love the Hedwig Theme everytime someone sent me a sms.

I need to be sorted and I need a wand.

And YOU! why are you laughing? *pointing a wand* "Langlock"!

 

Real Girl

I have a new motto. "Avoid unnecessary stress". Actually I borrowed that from my sis cousin. LoL. People sometimes can get to you, people like to say things about you and if you dwell and keep thinking of what they think, you'll crack your head.

This is who I am, and I try each and every day to become a better person. I am not perfect. I hope people have confidence in themselves to see me for what and who I am. As Chris Martin sang, "if you never try you'll never know, just what you're worth". If you don’t believe in yourself, who would?

This is my theme song at the moment.

If I had one chance to
In my life again
I wouldn't make no changes
Now or way back when (yeah)
And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes
But I cant wait to find out
What it is that God knows

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

I never pretend to be something I'm not
You get what you see, when you see what I've got
We live in the real world, I'm just a real girl
I know exactly where I stand

And all I can do is be true to myself
I don't need permission from nobody else
'Cause this is the real world, I'm not a little girl
I know exactly who I am

And nothing's ever perfect
There's no guarantee
And if I knew the answers
It would put my mind at ease (no)
So I'll just keep on going
The way I've gone so far
And maybe I'll end up
Tryin' to catch a fallin star (yeah)

But I don't wanna think about
What's gonna come around for me
I'll just take it day by day
'Cause it's the only way
To be the best that I can be

Baby this is who I am
Don't need you to understand
'Cause everything is right where it should be
It wont be long til you know about me,
'Cause I don't give a...
Even when I'm out of love
'Cause everythings just how it should be
And it wont be long till you know about me

~ Mutya Buena "Real Girl"

   

All was well

I finally placed my copy of the Deathly Hallows on the shelf, together with it's siblings. It's time to move on. I finished my second read, and I am content.

I took my time for my second read, to savour all the details and enjoy every piece of it. I didn't cry like I did the first time, I only cried 2 times - the first one was at the "i open at the close" part and second was at the part where there were cries from McGonnagall, Ron, Hermoine and Ginny, near the end. The "I open at the close" part remains my favourite of the whole book, it's just so heart wrenching.

I mentioned in my earlier post that I don't really want to see the film version of the book, cuz I am scared that it will disappoint me. I've changed my mind, I think now I can't wait to see the film, mainly just for the sole reason that I want to see Dan Radcliffe playing the part. I really want to see him at the "I open at the close" scene. I just can't imagine. He has grown as an actor, he proved himself in the Order of Phoenix, I still have goosebumps remembering the part where he was possessed by Voldemort. I have faith in him that he will do justice to Harry. I think I've put too much expectation on  him. lol

"I was in a car at the time. I had my iPod in, and I was listening to Sigur Rós. ... I was listening to, and it's very, very appropriate [for the end of Deathly Hallows]. I was listening to it and I remember I was sort of turned away from everybody else in the car, just so I could be in my own little world when I read it. What did I do when I finished? I think I just put the book down and carried on listening to the music. Just looked out of the car window, 'cause I couldn't think of what else to do. I'm still struggling to really take it in. It doesn't leave you in a hurry." ~ Daniel Radcliffe when asked what did he do after finished reading the Deathly Hallows. Taken from http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20044270_20044274_20048635_2,00.html

I took my time to let it sink in. But now, it's time to move on... and I am ready to leave Harry for the time being. I am absolutely sure that I will pick him up again in near future, but let him rest for now. lol. All was well.

It's A Girl!!!

Yesterday, the Khans received a happy news. There's an addition to the family... my sister in law, Kak Ida (wife to my third brother, Sher) gave birth to a 2.8 kg baby girl!!! She is their 3rd child, and the 3rd Khan girl (after me and my 8 year old niece, Sabrina).

The Khan memamg ketandusan girls, so we are pretty excited!!! I can't wait to see her!!!

UPDATED 10/8/2007.. introducing, Akisha Khan Binti Sher Khan heheh that's my girl!

   

Something Good

Those who know me would know that I am absolutely bonkers about the Sound of Music. I can't remember how many times have I seen the film. The funny thing is I can't never get tired of watching it. I think i started watching it when I was about 7 years old. I fell in love instantly and I believe that it is THE film that makes me love music and singing and watching movie. Being a kid, I think at first I was much awed with the story about kids singing and having a pretty good time. Usually I will stop watching until the part where Maria ran away from the house. I couldn't really appreciate the true story line of the film, I just enjoyed the music and the beautiful girls and pretty dresses. I think I also had my first crush with the Captain Georg Von Trapp, Christopher Plummer. He is the most handsome guy I've ever seen in my 7 years of life. lol. (but i'll tell you a secret, my mom told me that i had a HUGE crush on Eric Estrada of Chips, which of course, I dont remember anything about it. My mom told me that I used to buy munchies from the mamak roti on the bike and it got chips stickers, and I will stick Eric Estrada, at the wall beside my bed HAHAHAHA)

So anyway, now I am much older and have seen the film for thousand times, I truly believe that the Sound of Music is the most romantic film I've ever seen. It is just so pure and so heart warming and charming that *sigh* u just fell in love with it. As i mentioned earlier, when I was still young, I couldn't understand much of the story but as I got older, I understand that it is a story about love. Love for your family, love for your country and finding love in someone.

It's been quite a while since the last time I've seen it and today, I came across it on Astro, about halfway through. Just after Captain Von Trapp brought the Baroness home and found his kids playing on the trees by the roadside. I just fell in love all over again and felt like I missed seeing it so much and well, Captain Von Trapp just made my heart beat a little bit faster. ;))

Everytime I watched it, it feels like I watched it for the first time and I discovered something new. For the first time, I dropped a few tears during the part where Captain Von Trapp was singing "Edelweiss" alone during the music festival where he choked up, and his voice got hoarse and looked like he is about to cry, I get so emotional that time and I never notice that before. Usually we tend to miss things when we are so used to seeing it. Maybe our understanding about things changes as we grow up.

And what about the most romantic scene? Of course, the part where the Baroness told Captain that there is a young lady out there waiting and whom she thinks would never be a nun, and then the Captain gave this tiniest smile. haha and then he went to see Maria and both of time pour their heart out with the song Something Good... *sigh*

Anyway, when Maria sang this to Captain Von Trapp, it's like she can't believe that this thing happened to her, so she felt like maybe she has done something good in the past for her to get this reward. *sigh* ain't that romantic.

Oh well... I hate when movies to this to me. hahah it makes me more lonelier than ever and wish to find my own Captain. But what I like about Maria and Captain Von Trapp is that... they are so much different at first, it seems like impossible for them to be together. How can they be, Maria is nun-to-be and well Captain is her superior. In the end, they are so perfect for each other. Sometimes you don't know where you find love and you don't know what is planned for you. You'll find it when you are ready. Like Maria, she thought her fate is to serve being a nun, but the Mother told her that she have to live the life she were born to live which means that she has to do what is destined for her and that obviously not being a nun, hers is to love a man. Well she is lucky that the man loves her back. lol. Otherwise it would be such a waste of time. haha

I hope one day, I could sing this song to someone. Well if I can't sing, I'll force him to see the scene. Lol. Have a great week people.

"Something Good"

Maria:
Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somwhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth

For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Captain:
For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should

Maria:
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Maria and the Captain:
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could

Maria:
So somewhere in my youth
Captain:
Or childhood
Maria:
I must have done something . . .
Maria and the Captain:
Something good

Stolen

Heheh I think he has stolen my heart.

We watch the season pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced,
Another sun soaked season fades away

You have stolen my heart

Invitation only, grand farewells
Crash the best one, of the best ones
Clear liquor and cloudy eyed, too early to say goodnight

You have stolen my heart

And from the ballroom floor we are in celebration
One good stretch before our hibernation
Our dreams assured and we all, will sleep well

You have stolen
You have stolen my heart

I watch you spin around in your highest heels
You are the best one, of the best ones
We all look like we feel

You have stolen my
You have stolen my heart

~ Stolen by Dashboard Confessional

Chris Carrabba you rock! ;-P

But Went, you are still in my heart! LOL

And i love this new version of the song!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKzTRiAKa9A