Musings By Jan

Forgive and Forget

In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to hurt people. You’re going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover... there’s really only one thing you can say.

Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled… old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day we’ll be lucky enough to forget.

~ Dr. Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy S04E04 "In the Heart of the Matter"

I agree with Grey. There's no other choice for us, once we got hurt. What else can we do? Kill the person? No matter how hard it is, how much your heart bleeds, in the end, you just try to forget about it. It will take few weeks, it might take your whole life. Eventually, I think, your whole being will just accept things that happened. It won't be easy and it will take time. But in the end, hopefully we will forgive and forget. Right now, I'm tired and I wish I could just fly away.

Salam Aidilfitri

It's not too late for me to wish everyone "Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Batin". Sorry for all the wrong doings, wrong things said etc.

I think I had one of the best and longest raya holiday. Usually raya for us is just a quiet affair. We don't have a large extended family and we don't have a kampung, not much relatives to visit to. Anyway, this year all of us went to Kota Bharu, Kelantan for my cousin's wedding. We went there on third day of raya. One of the reason why we went to Kelantan was that so my mama can go to this Chinese urut mek, who was recommended  by my mama's friend, whom also recently had stroke. Anyway, it was my first time hearing a chinese speaking kelantanese. I LOVE to hear her talk!! hahaha i mean, i was so amused that i wasnt really bored waiting for nearly 2 hours everytime until my mom urut session finished.

So anyway, in short it was a fun and very productive trip. We helped preparing for the wedding etc. We also had the chance to get to know our cousins' family better. We don't really have the chance to get to know each other before since everybody were busy, so it was the perfect opportunity to get to know them as everyone get together. But it wasnt the same without my brother rafiq and cousin jemi both whom away for work.

However, now I am glad that I am not the only girl in the house. LOL. I used to hate going back to Kelantan because I dont have "geng" when we were younger, so I am stuck with the oldies in the kitchen doing women things.. with my aunts, my mom, but now i have my sisters in law, my cousin-in-law.. eheheh so it was kinda fun.

I hope you guys had a wonderful time during your raya celebration too. And I dont think I can set my mind back to reality, work on MONDAY! ugh!!!! oh God please help me ;-P

XOXO

Ella ella eh eh eh

I am not calling for Ella, Ratu Rock Malaysia. Hahaahahha. Anyway, ok, let me tell you something. I used to hate this song. I know it is a HUGE song and everybody seems like so into it. For me, it's soo annoying. Everytime I hear the song on the radio, I get irritated. Well, Rihanna's version I mean. Although I think the remix version with Chris Brown is kinda cute (I am looking the one with the glass slipper, you can be my cinderella, ella ella eh eh). hahaah. However, one thing that I like about the song is the sweet lyrics. If you listen carefully, the lyrics basically about being your loved ones's shelter or something like it.

Anyway, one day i heard on radio this lovely acoustic version of the song and i instantly fell in love with it. It was by this one girl named Marie Digby (pronounced as Ma-ri-ey), she did this cover version on youtube and BAM! now it's like a phenomenon. I can't get this song out of my head. It's like constantly on replay in my head. I wanna be like her. Hahah I wish if I can sing, i can sing like her. I love her version of one of my fave song ever, Corinne Bailey Rae's Like A Star. She sang it in her bathroom! You can search youtube for marie digby and she has her page there. Very cute and has this raw, lovely voice. She's half irish and half Japanese. Check her out.

Anyway back to the song, Mandy Moore also sang an acoustic version during her Yahoo Live performance too. Me likey!! Mandy's version is more mellow and soft and sweet.

So i dedicate this song to all of my friends, you can stand under my umbrella.. ella ella ella eh eh eh ;-P

You had my heart, and we'll never be a world apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
But baby 'cause in the dark you will see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share because

When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'm gonna stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)

The fancy things they're never coming in between
You're apart of my entity
Here for infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard

Together we'll mend your heart because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'm gonna stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my

You can run into my arms
It's okay, don't be alarmed
Come into me
So gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more because
When the sun shines we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
That I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'm gonna stick it out 'til the end
Now that it's raining more than ever know that we still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my

It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me
It's raining (raining)
Ooh baby it's raining (raining)
Come into me
Come into me(ella ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella (ella ella eh eh eh eh eh-eh)

Something To Talk About

We should never, never judge people before we get to know them well. We should never assume things until we ask and then heard from the relevant person. Don’t miss a chance. If you think you want something, just try and take your chance. Don’t step back before you haven’t even take a step forward. If you don’t get what you want, it’s not the end of the world. You get up and move on. Don’t take things for granted. Don’t pour your heart out when it’s too late. Life is not fair but we should treat it the best possible way we could. Make it perfect for our own life. Life is like a box of chocolate, Forrest Gump’s mama used to say, you’ll never know what you gonna get.

Got Hit

Hey mum! Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two?
Did you just let me go out, into the world?
You never thought to share what you knew.

So I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train.
Keep falling in love, which is kinda the same.
I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane.
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again.

Hey mum! Why didn't you warn me?
Cause I found boys were something I should have known.
They're like chocolate cake, like cigarettes.
I know they're bad for me, but I just can't leave them alone.

And I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train.
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again.
I wanna do it again, I wanna do it again, hey hey!
Ohh, think I'm so good? Hey!

Hey mum! Since we're talking, what was it like when you were young?
Has the world changed, or is it still the same?
A man can kill, and still be the sweetest fun!

~ “Buses and Trains” Bachelor Girl

Anyone remember this song? I haven't heard this song in ages, and when I heard my friend's mp3 playing on her computer, I was delighted as I used to love this song so much. I LOVE the quirkiness of the lyrics. How she compared falling in love similar to walking under a bus or got hit by a train, which is obviously would be deadly. hahaha

And ya know what, I agree with her. No matter how hurtful it might get, being in love or in my case more to "the idea of being in love" is addictive… and somehow, sometimes, it really made us feel good about ourselves. Apart from those butterflies in the stomach, aching heart, sweaty palms, stupid blurbs and unnecessary emotional rollercoaster we tend to have whenever this thing crept into our hearts.

I know it sounded weird, but it's better to have something to look forward to, than having nothing to feel. Even though you might not get what you want, and then cry for days and hate them. However, at least there would be some drama in your life. ha ha har di har har. In my case, it has always been the series of crushes I have. I like being "crushed" on someone. Even though the person might not now I existed. But there are feelings involved. Ya know what I mean? It's like an adrenalin rush in your body, where you are conscious of every fibre in your body.

There are times when I lost appetite to eat or do things I love because I put myself in this "mode". I got melancholic, miserable and torture myself emotionally. Sometimes to the point of being a human pipe, crying all time whenever I am alone or when hearing a certain song, because the person just not into me or just because that I am angry at myself for putting myself in this situation. I can avoid it, but no… I have to dwell on it and thinking about it and making my own assumptions when the other person, doesn’t even have a single clue. Seksa diri sendiri more like it. But I did it everytime. I should have known better, but I let it happen over and over again. haha why do we do this to ourselves? This is when people say. "takde keje, carik keje". hahahah

Oh well.. anyway, that’s how the song made me feel. LOL. But don't you agree that it does feel good sometimes. Just to feel something.